QDOBA to students: We ain’t taken yo drunken ralphin’ no more

Posted on 31 March 2010 by Warrior Staff

Campus Qdoba employees and restaurant owners have decided they are done. Done with drunken Marquette students coming at the wee hours of the morning after a night of drinking and debauchery. Done with
cleaning vomit off their floors. And done with declined credit cards after students decide to try ordering
86 steak quesadillas at one time.

“ We have had it, the students are too irresponsible for us,” said Guac Ancheese, restaurant owner of the
Qdoba on the Marquette campus. “We liked the business at first but now it is just ridiculous.”

Beginning after Easter break the establishment will turn away any intoxicated students. Slurring of words, falling over, loudness and ordering overt amounts of burritos will no longer be tolerated. Employees were overjoyed to hear the restaurant’s new policy.

“The rest of the employees and I were about to go on strike,” said Nacho Smith, a four year employee and
student at University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. “I was getting tired of having to get the mop out every
Thursday, Friday and Saturday night.”

Qdoba’s new policy comes after having 10 students in one night puke near the entrances of the restaurant. An
innocent customer’s unfortunate slip on one of the alcoholic puddles and a prospective lawsuit got the company to take action. While the restaurant is content with their decision Marquette students are fretful of these new developments.

“Where are we going to go eat after the parties are over,” asked Luna Lovebeer, a sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences. “I am going to miss being able to eat a big thing of nacho and queso after a good night of drinking.”

Some students have found that they can survive without the Mexican restaurant’s offerings. “There is always Jimmy John’s,”said an optimistic Johnny Corona.

The College of Education junior has found since he started drinking that it is all about “having a back-up plan if things go south.”

Other students have found that it might be for the best if Qdoba continues forward with its new policy. “I always got sick off their food anyways,” said Jamie Lesparty, a College of Communication freshman.
“Then again chugging wine while pregaming and then doing nine shots of tequila and then eating a bean burrito
might be the issue too…”

Despite various student reactions to the new policy, Qdoba is being backed by the Department of Public Safety (DPS) and the Milwaukee Police Department (MPD).

“We already do not like that students are participating in underage drinking and we stand by the Milwaukee community in teaching these kids to be more responsible with their liquor,” said DPS and MPD in a
joint statement.

Wherever hungry, hung-over students decide to go, it most certainly cannot be Qdoba.

“It is going to be either they go somewhere else or we will personally toss them out of our building,” said Ancheese. “We are not supposed to be like a secondary dorm room for them to sober up.”

**DISCLAIMER – This article is apart of The Warrior’s April Fool’s Edition

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