Hello Warrior-ettes! I promised my female readers a column last time and despite admonitions from my friends that I tread carefully, I want to keep my word, even if I have to be placed under witness-prevention. Now, Ladies, no one is going to deny that MU girls are classy (at least in comparison to UWM), but I have a few suggestions, take ’em or leave ’em.
Let’s start off by addressing an issue that I personally cannot come to terms with. Ladies: Tights are not pants. I’m sorry. Further, I refuse to believe that you all feel more comfortable in something that’s about as close to public nudity as I think society will ever get, over actual pants. I am 100% behind their utility as a layering item, but still, I think you’re all too classy to stroll into my Phil class in a crew-neck and tights. Please, just think about it?
If I get hate e-mails with the above, I might have to fear for my life with this next one: Sweats. Please believe me, I have my fair share of sweat pants, anyone who was in any way involved in their high school has at minimum four or five pairs of the things. And I acknowledge that every once in a while, an alarm clock mysteriously malfunctions and you arrive to Theo in mismatched socks, sweats that have “DANCE” on the butt, and praying no one talks to you because God only knows what your breathe smells like. But, that’s just how it starts. Once in a while becomes once too often. Next thing you know, you’re wondering why anyone bothers with jeans, and your classmates are edging away from “that girl with the crazy hair in the middle row.” Again, just food for thought, and I promise that if anyone catches me in a pair of sweats and calls me out, I will promptly remove them and walk to wherever I am going in my boxers. Promise.
Last, but not least, I would have to say my biggest beef is… Those MASSIVE purses you haul around. I’ll grant you that part of my animosity is a twinge of jealousy (how am I supposed to carry my monstrous smart-phone, keys, pen/pencil, some gum, a wad of crinkled cash, and whatever other junk that ends up in my pockets, without my flat-fronts looking like an overzealous chipmunk?) But still. Some woman nearly knocked me out with her duffel bag sized Coach. I swear if I carried a bag that big they’d make me check it when I fly. I do not see the aesthetic appeal in a woman carrying a bag rappers are known to transport sprite and sizzurp in. Actually, I once I saw a girl pull a 2-liter out of her LV. In class. You know what, on second thought, I’m not mad. I’m impressed.
Please, don’t think that I’m just hating on women or that I like to criticize and judge you ladies. I like to think I’m a decent person, albeit an opinionated one. I’m just a guy who likes to look good when he leaves his apartment. Not because I’m shallow, or because I like to be complimented, but because I want to present myself as best as I can. I think we all work too hard at whatever it is that interests us to not take pride in how we look. We should walk out our doors as often as possible with full confidence that the world will take us seriously. That’s my reasoning behind the above. Can I look at the girl that wears sweats every-other day, or the one in tights all the time, or the one dragging a luggage item around and have full confidence in them? Maybe you can. And if so, you’ll disagree with my column fairly regularly. Which is totally okay. Maybe I am just a superficial jerk. Either way, I’m still going to rock a polo when I could just wear a tee. There’s something about the way you dress that tells those around you how seriously you take yourself and what you do. I don’t want my lawyer coming to my inevitable defense counsel in what the average college student wears. It isn’t about the expense or decorum, Its about walking in looking like you know exactly what you’re doing.
So, there you have it. Stay tuned, ladies and gent’s, I have some things to discuss with the both of you next time. But until then, Marquette, keep your Swagg on.