Hello, my fellow Warriors, I sincerely hope that I find you all well, and I even more sincerely hope that your Valentine’s Day was worse than mine. But, let’s put that terrible holiday well behind us.
On to more important matters. I want to bring our collective attention to a plague which we really ought to address. Warriors, we’re getting a tad portly.
I will be the first to say, that the winter is rough on my workouts. I weighed in at a solid 169lbs this morning. A far cry from my generally acceptable 160. I know that dragging yourself to the gym during a Wisconsin winter is difficult, and there’s been very few days that I’ve wanted to throw on the Under Armour tights and brave a run in the frozen tundra. But given that this week we are looking at the nicest weather thus far this year, I think its fair to say, we need to hold ourselves slightly more accountable.
I walked into my 8am poli-sci class last week, and saw one of those things none of us wants to see. The girl who refuses to believe that her jeans may need to be sized up. There was muffin-top, my friends. A rather evident one, to say the least. It was almost fantastic, the proverbial train-wreck. It made me wish for some pastry to dip into my coffee, which was both funny and disturbing. However, the amusement wore off quickly. Ladies, This is one of the most grievous of fashion faux-pas. I have rallied against improper fit time and time again, and yet you ignore me. I know that it can be difficult to accept that something no longer fits, and I admit that ill-fitting pants are at least marginally better than sweats, but there are ways to avoid exposing this unsightly mistake. Firstly, a shirt that is of proper length is the most simple fix for this scenario. But, let’s say that you don’t want to just cover it up, and actively draw the eye away from your waist, a tee shirt or simple sweater won’t be enough, you’ll have to go for something that has texture or a pattern which angles up and away from your hips. A blouse with a ruffled neckline, or a button-up that you can tuck in will help.
Now, all of you gentlemen who have been snickering quietly, or perhaps not so quietly, you aren’t without rebuke. Gent’s, you have to start wearing shirts that fit.
I will always advocate a slimmer fit, and I will also staunchly stand by my theory that a shirt that fits properly and might strain a tad in the shoulders is preferable to a shirt that bunches and blouses. You’ll look fatter if there’s a huge swath of cotton folded over itself at your bellybutton. But, that isn’t the issue I saw just recently.
He was like a real, human personification of the comic book guy from the Simpsons. Or, at least, his stomach. And his Nike shorts. There was so much straining and stretching when he transitioned from standing to sitting that one could imagine a gymnast limbering up. Except this man wasn’t fit, in the slightest. I know a great deal of men who are on the thicker side, and can still charm the ladies as well as play a great game of ball. And often, what you wear can and does say a lot on your behalf, even if your beer belly doesn’t. But letting yourself go before your junior year of college isn’t a great sign.
Men, a tucked in shirt, unless you’re very seriously overweight slims you down, so long as it fits well. But, the easiest way for us to clean up our act in this category is actually trying things on before you buy them. Seriously, guys, try that shirt on. I doubt that many of us put on an obviously too-tight shirt, look in the mirror, and knowingly wear it out. But I know that once we buy it, there’s a need to justify it, so you con yourself into putting on what you ought not to.
I’ve never told people that they needed to be swim suit models, because we’re all actually real humans. But I think that we can all do a little bit to at least wear clothes that help us, and work with us rather than expose our faults. Common sense is key here, don’t have that extra slice of pizza at 11pm, and don’t squeeze into those jeans. We all know better, so use your head, and keep your swagg on, Warriors