Winter Warriors

Posted on 09 February 2012 by Gus Lopez

Whoa. The Holidays came up pretty quick… I feel as though only last week I was day-raging during syllabus week. But, alas, the weather has turned and our attention must now be on staying warm through the coming months. So, what I have for you this week is my annual guide for how not to look like a high-schooler once it gets chilly out. Warriors, listen up.

I have a life philosophy that the true hallmark of being an adult is being comfortable no matter what. I say that, because a truly responsible and mature adult has enough experience, income, and self-respect to dress, and behave, appropriately regardless of climate. The question is, how do we do that?

First. You are in college now. You will be expected to have professional attire, and that means you’ll need a nice jacket or topcoat. Gentlemen, you are especially guilty of this. If you have a job/internship interview in December, showing up in a shirt and tie means nothing if you wore a ratty hoodie over it (in fact, I think hoodies should be relegated as solely workout gear). Don’t give me that, “But, Gus, I can’t afford it!” baloney. I bought a great peacoat from Old Navy for $25 freshman year, and I still have it. Peacoats are warm, comfortable, and they’ve been around FOREVER. Believe me, it won’t be going out of style any time soon. One thing, though, if you’re going to wear a peacoat, or topcoat, over a suit… Please, make sure its longer than your suit coat.

Second. Unless you actively have snowboarding boots on your feet and are on a slope, you can’t wear those huge puffy gloves. Primarily, because it makes you look like a child. Go to the TJ Maxx downtown, and you can find nice leather gloves for about $15. Get them in brown, black looks like you’re going to murder someone and don’t want to leave prints. $15 is too much? Walgreens sells those knit-stretchy things for $2. Buy a pair in navy blue. Yes, I know that neither of the above are great for snowballs, but… come on. You’re 20 now. (If you really must throw snowballs, go ahead and bring the puffys.)

Third. Ladies, wear a coat. Wear real pants. And stop, please stop, wearing Uggs. If I see one more girl out on a Friday night shivering because a coat was “too much to carry,” I’ll lose it. If its cold, wear a coat. I get that it might not allow you to show off some skin… But maybe reevaluate your outfit, and overall outlook on life, if that’s the case. I know I’m fighting a losing battle on the leggings front, so I’ll just ask nicely, please understand they aren’t really pants. And, you do realize “Ugg,” is not an ironic title, right? They are, in fact, ugly. But seriously, I am a gentleman, and if you are cold I will gladly offer my coat. But understand that then, I’M cold, and less likely to buy drinks.

Fourth. For some reason, although only a handful of us are qualified to climb mountains, a North Face fleece is essentially required on this campus. I love all of mine, and its one of my go-to gifts for Christmas, so go ahead and drop the cash on that. But realize, there are other similar and more inexpensive options. Almost every retailer has a fleece on their racks and most are much less of a hit on your wallet. Don’t get wrapped up in a label.

Fifth, and finally, let’s say you have your own style, which I advocate and admire, and wearing a coat isn’t really your thing… Two words: Long. Underwear. It isn’t just for guys sitting in a tree stand anymore. Buy the silk/polyester kind that’s really thin and you can comfortably wear it under almost anything. No one can tell, and they’re fairly inexpensive (again, see TJ Maxx).

There’s no reason you can’t look good when it gets all Wisconsin-y out, just follow the above rules, and your parents will be pleasantly surprised when you make it home for Christmas. So, with that, I close out my last column of the year, I wish y’all all the best for the Holidays.

Also, Follow me on Twitter: @GusElTigreLopez, I’m generally amusing and sometimes it isn’t even offensive!

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